U.S. Forest Service Issues Warrant for Thomas Mueller

Thomas Mueller of Growlers Gulch Racing – seen here (right) with an unidentified outlaw rider – has done what the rest of us can only dream of doing. He has been blacklisted by the U.S. Forest Service.

Have you seen this man?

As a member of a GGR work party that cleaned nearly four miles of South Coldwater Trail 230A on June 26th, Mueller – a native German with no clue about the workings of the USFS – came upon a log near the trail. Because he rides at Growlers, his response was predictable – he built an over (View the abomination below).

Members of the Washington Trails Association who were working in the area noticed that the feature did not meet USFS specifications. They took a photo of Mueller’s crime against nature and forwarded it to the USFS, which immediately issued a rebuke to Growlers Gulch Racing and a warrant for Mueller’s arrest.

The USFS – which has no money to build or maintain trails – also sent word that it will dispatch a crew to spend multiple hours dismantling Mueller’s unsightly creation.

Mueller’s co-worker and ride partner Jeff Muldoon said he was appalled by the USFS’s action. “It’s difficult for a patriot like myself to say this,” Muldoon commented, “but I will never be coerced into revealing whether Thomas lives in Castle Rock, is employed at Peri Formworks in Woodland (360.817.8200), or rides regularly near the end of Growlers Gulch Road. It’s also pretty unlikely that I will report him to the INS – unless, of course, they offer something big, like a new set of brake pads or a cold PBR.”

Wherever you are, Thomas – even if you wouldn’t know an Indian Pale Ale from Indiana Jones – you will always be a legend at Growlers.

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