Climbs Set, Mueller Responsible for Conflict

October 2, 2009 on 12:12 pm | In Mountain Biking | No Comments

Controversy Plagues CC Run-up

I naively imagined this was going to be a casual, non-competitive event – just like all the others at Growlers – until I got the disturbing photo at the bottom of the page from GG5K champion Mike Van Hoose. Why can’t we all just get along?

To make matters worse, I was stunned and saddened to receive an accusatory message from Thomas Mueller, who suggested that I, along with the TDG Board of Directors, was deliberately delaying announcement of the hill climbs in order to gain an advantage by taking early practice runs.

Are ya kiddin’ me, Thomas?

Of course, I’ve been holding back the information. Did you just fall off the turnip truck?

I’m arthritic. Every muscle in my body is atrophying at an alarming rate. I’m only months from drawing a Social Security check. On top of that, I’m trying to compete with young, fit racer-people. What choice do I have – other than to take the Brigman route and brew up a batch of HGH?

Do I have to remind you of the obvious: Verzweiflung schreibt das Regelbuch. That’s right – Desperation writes the rulebook.

As part of the Board’s ”Hands Across the Waters” policy, I have asked Thomas to produce a valid birth certificate. To date, he has been unable to do so. I know you are all as disappointed as I am. First, the act of eco-terrorism that drew the ire of the U. S. Forest Service and now this.

Dave has the INS on speed-dial, Thomas. Don’t push your luck.

The Rules

• The order for the first climb will be the result of a random draw. The order will be reversed as we move from one climb to the next
• A stake will be placed in the ground at the point where you collapse or put a foot down, or at the top of the climb if you clean it. You will be awarded a specific number of feet per climb.
• If you clean the hill the first time, you are done. If you dab the first time, you can take a second run. Your total will be an average of the two attempts (If the first was greater, we will go with that one).

Requests

• Please do not ride down these climbs. We will either have an alternate route to the bottom or you will need to get off your bike and stay out of the line on your way to the start line.
• If the tread is wet, please do not practice on these hills.

Festivities

• The Post-Ride Pub at 465 will be open after the event.
• Taquitos and nacho bar for $3.
• Four- and five-wheelers will be recognized, and – drumroll, please – the recipient of the 2009 Growlers Gulch Rider of the Year award will be announced.

The Climbs

Please keep in mind that this list may be adjusted on the fly, but barring unforeseen changes we will proceed in this order:

1. Creek Trail to the Jeep Trail - Kind of like a speed bump with a tiny rut. What can go wrong?
2. Top of Mini-DH on Lower Jekyll to Gravel – The experts say this is the easiest one to clean. The tread is smooth but the right-hand corner and the out onto the road can be tough.
3. Secret Garden Hill - Pretty straightforward but the combined steepness and rut can make this one a struggle. Most difficult section is near the tree (left side) where Mel tatered herself during the 5K.
4. Creation – We will ride the 313 part way up and then cut over to the start line on the trail, right before the water crossing. This climb is a little longer, so the chance to pile up footage will be a big deal. Not as steep as the others, but definitely more technical.
5. Lung Buster - The bad news is that there is a wicked left-hand switchback near the start that very few people can make. If you do manage to clean it, things get worse from there.

***Mystery Climb – I’m anticipating that the time it takes to have 25+ people hit the five climbs above – along with the fact that we have to ride from one to the next – will eat up quite a bit of the day. In the event that we have ties or if time allows, I have an extra credit climb ready for you – one that Patterson could handle on a unicycle.

Sign-up list at http://writeteknorthwest.com/archives/1984/climbing-championships-on-for-oct-14th 

Four- and five-wheel eligibles at http://writeteknorthwest.com/archives/1948/magnificent-seven-on-track-for-five-wheels