Crump Tabs Jansky to Win Climbing Title

Andy Crump wants you to know – he thinks his buddy Andy Jansky is a shoo-in to win the Growlers Gulch Climbing Championship on Saturday.

“I don’t care whether he’s practiced the hills or not,” said Crump, who claims to be a descendent of Nostradamus. “The guy is a climbing machine. Besides, I’ve seen who’s signed up. The fact that it’s a weak field makes this an easy prediction.”

Crump’s bold statement was reminicent of Richard Haight’s prognostication that Ryan “the Ringer” McMaster would cruise to victory at  the 2008 Time Trial, despite not having ridden the course. 

Formerly a token member of Portland’s famed Killer Burritos, Crump has a long and sordid history at Growlers. At the 2005 Tour de Gulch, Crump hurled his McDonald’s breakfast and was henceforth referred to as ”Egg McMuffin.”

Crump’s reputation as a trash-talker eventually led to his dismissal from the Killer Burritos in 2007. ”Okay, so I called their Ride Master a man in search of a set of testicles,” Crump said. “It’s not like I questioned his parentage. Those guys need to attend a sensitivity workshop.”

Crump said he nearly tabbed himself as the favorite. “I think I’ll be in the top echelon for sure, but I’m a humble guy and wanted to avoid saying something that people might take the wrong way.”